Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
