Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
