Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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