My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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