so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
