I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize