Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize