so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
