Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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