you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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