I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize