I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
