you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
