McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
