wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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