I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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