if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
