the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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