She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
