I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
