We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
