1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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