There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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