you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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