with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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