i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
