Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
