She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
