The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
