Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
