Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
