Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
