GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
