biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
