so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
