if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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