I got chris browned last night
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
