we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
