Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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