I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
