Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
