The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
