they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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