You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
