remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
