I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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