Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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