If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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