I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
