I'm really into asian looking animals
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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