i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
