Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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