i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
