I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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