Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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