He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
