so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
