just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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