You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
