if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
