so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
