You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
