I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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