No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
