Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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