I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
