i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
