Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
