Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
