she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
