So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
