how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
