would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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