At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
