Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
