I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize