handjob tips. give me some.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
